Tuesday 6 October 2015

After a few hours sleep and Mums taxi service done for the morning, I'm contemplating what to do ... i know what i should do ... put the dishwasher on, hang the washing out, general clean up and walk the dog to try to get a pound off this body of mine ... instead I'm sat here typing away getting shit of my chest basically ... So i have my wonderful little family who are my world and then i have my supposed best friend ... i always thought that best friends shared everything, did everything together became part of each others families ... i met my friend because of our love of eating and wanting to loose weight ... the first time we went to Weight Watchers or as we call it fat fighters we wondered how we had never bumped into each other before living so close and we hit it of immediately ... we have had some really amazing fun times together but it changed about 5 years ago ... thinking about it it changed a long while before ... i don't know how it started but she in a way became mean and just what i thought a best friend shouldn't be ... Our little family made a huge move and made a move 250 miles away for a better life, it was a disaster and we were back to our hometown within 6 months ... the thing is when i was thinking about the move and how it would affect me (I'm not trying to be selfish saying ME) but my friend never came into my thoughts really ... in a way i was glad to see the back of her because of the way that she had been treating me ... she always took advantage anyway she could and the worst thing of all i let her ... when we came back i made a conscious decision that this was not going to happen and that if there was a friendship it was to be on my terms ... no calling up being a taxi service ... no money being lent and the promise that she would give it back ... she was really pleased that we were back but it was different i was no longer the dogs body, i had been made stronger by the move and was more confident ... this i don't think she liked and the main thing i learned  to say was no ... throughout our best friendship she would find as i called it a 'new friend' and literally just drop me and would make no contact until she had had enough of the new friend ... i remember one time i was sitting in the car park waiting for my children to come out of school and she stood looking directly at me laughing pointing ... it was obvious she was talking about me... it was horrible and a few years later i did actually say to her how horrible she had been in that period and it was essentially like being back in the playground ... this isn't how best friends act ...

Monday 5 October 2015

So I'm a 40 something Mum ... I've got the most amazing family ... husband that loves me, kids who are at college and university ... and me ... I'm happy but obviously i have some moans ... in fact sometimes rather allot ... I'm morbidly obese on every tablet going, diabetic, bones and body hurts and its constantly on my mind too loose weight but its having the will power ...I'm learning slowly but surely that I'm the problem i buy the food and the crap and then we all end up munching on it ...so I've got to learn to buy sensible ...i want to exercise but its hard my knees hurt ... Last January my bladder started to play up 10 months down the line I'm finally getting my life back but basically i have sat and been stagnant not done a bloody thing ... the weight has gone on and i need motivation ... my husband loves me whether I'm fat or thin but i want to live to see my kids with their kids so I've got to move my ass and i am getting there slowly ... its a mind change ... i was never big as a kid or when i met my husband but it came on when i had the kids ... My excuse is i ate because i was so happy ... i must be bloody happy now!!! its like the thing you see in the magazines you don't try anymore because you have your husband ... it wasn't like that for me i was just happy and we loved eating ... plain and simple ...